interview with the bible

your host: Welcome to Tough Talk.


Bible: Thnk y.


your host: Please, in English.


Bible: Verily.


your host: How 'bout we go colloquial, we don't want to confuse anyone.


Bible: Ah, so you're asking for clarity, my specialty don't worry yourself about it. I'll speak in the most simplistic language I can muster.


your host: It's interesting that you should say that. For a collection of writings dedicated to breaking the world down (especially moralistically) into simple conceptual categorizations of black and white, interpretations of your content have been, at best, varied, which points to a lack of clarity in my estimation, how do you respond to this?


Bible: People are peculiar creatures, they see and believe what they want to. These vagrant interpretations that you allude to can in some cases be attributed simply to prejudices of perhaps influential individuals throughout history, which views over time have been adopted into the wider culture of worship. The teachings found herein need not be confusing at all, you need to go about things with the right spirit so to speak. I can offer advice but I'll need to invoke the King James English?

your host: Go ahead...

Bible: In 2 Peter 1:20-21 I say: "Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation. For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost." or, and this one I'm particularly fond of, from 2 Timothy 3:16 " All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness."

your host: I realize that your content, for believers, are all direct revelations from God, the Song of Solomon notwithstanding, but the thing that trips up many people is verifying whether or not that claim is true. There has to be some kind of test outside of the bible itself which can substantiate the quote unquote truth within it. Accepting the authority of the Bible strictly as a brute fact seems to go above and beyond the reasonable limits of faith into something new and well perhaps dangerous.

You touched on the Holy Ghost which I'm sure will have some bearing on the the whole process, but there's something else I'd like to focus on for the moment. I'm glad you brought up the manner of your transcription, because that leads us into another well documented controversy, namely the Documentary Hypothesis and the Synoptic Problem, did these (purported) holy men of God receive revelation directly from him, I'm talking about the Moseses and the Matthews, the Marks, and the Lukes; or is the Torah actually a compilation of unknown authors with enigmatic tags like J,E, D and H? Why are the first three gospels so similar?

Bible: Well Mr. Host, that's a very good many questions, I'll have to address the issue of the Holy Ghost which we're saving for later only because it impacts deeply on what we're discussing now. What we need to remember is that traditions are created by segments of society to introduce a semblance of order to chaos. As the philosophers say the natural state of humankind is "Nasty, brutish and short." It wasn't always that way, but over time things became unpleasant, which conditions were undesirable, so individuals and families banded together into clans which became tribes and so forth, practices were introduced to encourage unity and prosperity for the group. Traditions were passed on, some of them made it to the twenty first century (almost). In Christianity and Judaism one of these traditions is that Moses wrote the first five books of the old testament. Now for anyone interested in reading the bible it doesn't much matter who wrote what, from a historical perspective it's nice to know (and yes more than one author contributed to the Torah) but more important is what power or influence they wrote by. The Holy Ghost is not only the medium for receiving revelation, but for verifying it also. It takes time to learn to listen and understand its subtle language, but the only way to know what is true and what's not is to give it a try. Go on, it wont hurt.

your host: It all sounds very mystical, but I'll take that it into consideration. We'll be back after the break.

noble in defeat, solemn in victory

I like Nephi. Nephi is a stand-up bloke. You can learn a great deal about the world just by contrasting Nephi's approach to life, to that of his enemies. Take Laban for instance, after duping four young gentlemen out of their inheritance, a great abundance of gold and silver and precious things, he did what any red blooded male would do in his place, he painted the town red by getting absolutely off-his-face drunk.

This is instructive of course, don't go on a drinking binge after scoring it rich, it's not worth it. Guard yourself against ostentatious displays of arrogance in victory and all of that, every American football player alive would do well to learn from this, someone makes and tackle and celebrates like they just won the Superbowl, it's all just a little sickening. But I digress... With sobriety as a top priority we can't even conceive of Nephi doing anything that would come close to getting him tipsy, sure he'd chop a guys head off, impersonate his own uncle and misappropriate ancient records carved in precious metal, but we can't really begrudge him any of this can we? Laban had it coming, and besides when it comes to the fruits of the Spirit (the entity that gave our hero a little nudge) against such there is no law.

When Nephi got his prize - the plates - he didn't hoot and holler or get on the grog, he simply walked for three days back to his dad's tent, where the group said their thank yous and made their sacrifices to the God of Israel and then got on with their lives. I like that even keeled approach, don't get too high when the gettings good, don't get too low when you hit a road bump. Whatever happens, you just keep on trucking. Sure there's a time to laugh and cry and dance, there is a season turn, turn, turn, you just gotta pick your spots and know when to say when. Therefore, let us be cautious in the ways we celebrate our perceived victories, be like Nephi, be wise O what can I say more.

and it came to pass that I was thinking...

Hi my name's Loren and I'm sharing a wonderful message today about how Austar can change your life. It just doesn't feel the same for some reason. Perhaps in a(n) (misguided) effort to recapture the glory days of my mission I've taken it upon myself to become a door to door salesman, canvasing any and everyone who'll listen in an attempt to sell cable or satellite TV. Does the world really need more TV watchers? Anyway wasn't tracting the worst part of missionary work? Temperatures in excess of thirty degrees, 99% humidity and I'm thinking it's time to rethink my little trip down memory lane. In this heat nostalgia doesn't feel so good.

With the litany of abandoned projects that I've accumulated over the years I often wonder where it's all headed. What is the narrative that I've weaving through my conscious and unconscious choices. Nothing rouses my faculties like thinking about the meaning of life, particularly the meaning of my life. At times I feel as if I should be working towards some kind of unifying design with the world. That somehow it is my privilege to raise humanity, by for once reaching out beyond myself. Another part of me says, leave saving the world to Jesus that's his job. We all have our jobs, mine is at Austar at present, but I feel that there's something else, it just hasn't quite taken shape in my mind yet. The good thing about Jesus is he isn't greedy and he isn't a glory hog either. He'll let me help save the world if I want, I just don't know how. Any ideas?